Swimsuit Guide for One Scorcher of a Summer

I just read a Tweet with simple instructions for getting a bikini bod – put on a bikini. Haha. I laughed then I filled my hip flask with tequila and walked to the mall. It is bathing suit shopping season again. This may be worse than taxes.

To cut through an ocean of BS I’m going straight to the point, we are only going to wear what we are comfortable wearing (or not wearing as is the case). If you like to swim in the ocean you need a suit that can withstand a rip tide and covers anything you don’t want seen. If you don’t like to swim you’re in luck because you can buy the cutest skimpiest bikini ever and just leave your super cute sundress on all day, yay you’re sorted. I like to do both, which is most common I’d presume, and I’m not about to skimp about in a bikini that has less fabric than some of my actual undergarments.

Two great revivals of this summer are high-waisted swim bottoms and fuller tops.
The Bottom
I got my bottoms at Land’s End believe it or not. This isn’t a great place on the body for a pattern so I just ordered a few black, plum, and navy bottoms. Returns to Sears are free, shipping is free, and you can almost always find a 30% off code (fatwallet). (Shipping = trying on at home, another brilliant advancement or ecommerce). These come in ‘bikini’ which is OMG low in my apparently prudish opinion, then a regular, a mid (right above the belly button), and a super high. These are all shown on 5’7 models though so I went with mid and super high which will probably be very high on me (I’m 5’3).

The Top
Full coverage tops are really awkward, they look like you’re trying too hard to cover up, but that’s what I wore last season because it was easy and I find one-pieces extremely uncomfortable. I have a Nike racer one piece for lane swimming and it is great for that. If you’re aggressively swimming or playing volleyball in your suit you need an anchor suit like this.

If you’re doing the usual R&R, things can get a little cuter.
I usually have a problem with tops since I’m not an A cup, and according to a tv fashionista if you’re bigger than a 34B you need a structured top with support that comes in cup sizes. This was news to me and pretty enlightening. All the tops at Target were out of the question, I hit up Bare Necessities because again they have sales, free ship, free return – also they are really cute. (I got a halter with parrots and a balconette with black and white stripes I’m obsessed with). The fit is amazing and they are very well made.

By combining the high bottoms and carefully sized tops I managed to create the most prefect fitting bathing suit I’ve ever worn. I am soooo ready for beach weather now. Come on summer, hit me.


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